Dickhead Anecdote #6 :: Wanna jam at mine?

Rich and Wills are best mates that still have trouble finding each other's houses. Once upon a time Wills was living in a place so dark and corrupted it inspired this meme.

One regular saturday morning, Wills rings up Rich. “Wanna jam at mine?” he asks “We can play Fifa, Call of Duty and watch football.”
Rich obliges, “Sure. Little problem though. I can't remember where you live init.”

“How?” Wills argues. “We've been mates for over ten years.”

“Err, yeah I know. But still, it's one of them ones, init. You live in Hackney.” Rich has a point.

Wills gives in. “Alright how about I meet you somewhere you know and I'll walk you to mine as usual.”

“Safe.” say's Rich.

As planned, Wills walks ten minutes to their rendezvous. Outside a strip club on Bethnal Green. Rich isn't there.
Ring Ring.

Wills is irritated. “Oi Rich. Where are you?”

Rich's excuse, “I can't remember where that strip club is, you know. I'm lost.”

“How? There's a woman on a pole in big neon lights. How do you not see it?”

“I see the underground station.”
“The underground station? You're ages away. Alright wait there! I'll walk over then we'll jam at mine.”

“Safe.” say's Rich.

As planned, Wills walks another ten minutes to the Underground Station.

Rich isn't there.

Ring Ring.

Wills is mad. “Oi Rich. Where are you?”

Rich's excuse, “I left my controller at home init. So I figured I'd go home, pick it up and meet you at the station. I didn't think you'd get there before me.”

“Well, I am.” Wills argues.

“Alright, I tell you what. I just picked up my controller. Meet me at Sainsbury's. I wanna pick up some snacks for when we jam at yours.”

Wills sighs, “Alright.”

“Safe.” say's Rich.

As planned, Wills walks another ten minutes to Sainsbury's.

Rich isn't there.

Ring Ring.

Wills is fuming. “Oi Rich. Where are you?”

Rich's excuse, “Mate, my cat climbed onto the top of the fridge. The bastard knocked a glass bottle full of vinegar onto the floor. I gotta clean this shit up 'cos it stinks.” (It didn't)

“What?!” Wills can't believe it.

“You know I only live round the corner. I'll be there in a minute.”

Wills vexed, exclaims. “FINE!”

“Safe.” say's Rich.

Knock Knock.

Wills is at Rich's front door.

Rich answers, still wearing tracksuit bottoms.

Wills is livid. “What the hell are you doing?”

“What are you doing? I thought we were goin' yours. How long was that walk?”

“I dunno, mate. Fucking ages.” Wills screams.

There's an awkward pause that Rich feels the need to fill.

“Wanna jam at mine?”

Wills shakes his head in disappointment. Classic Rich.

Dickhead out.