AUGUST DICKHEAD (Part 1)

Yeah, you read that right.
So much dickhead shit went down in August.
Which means we're doin' these blogs in parts.
 

Dickhead Photographer

It was a classic dickhead “Beer in the park” kind of day. Drinks, girls and a football. Summer in London is gorgeous. It was in that moment that life was made. Sat in a circle in the middle of the park, the crew ate drank and got merry. A little too merry maybe.

Note: Never google "Voyeur Photography"

Sat on the floor with his elbows rested on his knees and his phone in his hands, Rich was quiet. One would assume he was just sending a text.
FLASH. FLASH.

The back of the phone was pointed at Nads. She had to ask. “Dude, did you just take a picture of me?”

''Err no.” Rich denied quickly

“Liar.” Cons confirmed even quicker.

“Everyone just saw you, bro” Deeby added.
Rich quickly takes another photo.
“It was a picture of The Instigator.” Rich shows him.
“Sorry Rich, not foolin' me.”

“It was for snapchat.” Rich argued.

“Oh we all know it was for the wank bank.”

Nads shuddered, “Errr Thanks, Deeby.”

Then there was a pause.

“Well, this is awkward.” Adam added, “Nomination?”

Read our minds.

Dickhead Dona... Again.

Dropped your Ice Cream?

So like this occasion and this occasion Dona attempted to organise a catch up with the crew. Conscience of the fact that she might end up being nominated if she screwed up, she was determined to prove to everyone that she CAN organise a simple meet up and that deep down, she really DOES care about her friends.

Only... It finally hits 4:00 on that sunny august Saturday and she never got round to inviting Aks 'cos she'd assumed that Deeby would do it since they're brothers. Aware of her tendencies to take the lazy way out, Deeby says “No. You're doing this. 'Cos you're a man.” She's not... for the record.

Outside the Ice Cream place is Chris and Pao. Deeby never turned up, he got the feeling Dona would flop. Dona wasn't there. She was mad late.

Chris had sat in silence shooting Dona evils over his bowl of melted Ice Cream. Getting uncomfortable, she chose to engage in small talk. 

“You haven't touched your food.”
“How are you gonna be an hour late for an event YOU organised?” Chris flipped.

“Oh c'mon, I said I'm sorry already.”

“This happens too often, Dona. There's gotta be a line somewhere.” Pao was good cop.

Dona gandered at her watch and sighed. “I wish I could make it up to you but I gotta go.”
“WHAT?!” Chris flipped, “You just got here.”

“I have to be a party to be at.” Dona implored.

“That explains why your face is powdered in make up and why you were late.” Pao noted.

“PARTY?! This IS your party.”

“There's only three of us, dude.” Pao added.

Dona stood to leave, clasped her hand on his chin, glanced at him through her sad eyes, eyes that said “I'm sorry.”

Chris looked deep into her eyes, to him her eyes read “Suck my dick.” She's not got one... for the record.

...And then she left. Dickhead.

“This your drink?” Dickhead

Drink Responsibly.

Wanda and Chlo have rolled with the gang on many occasions. They know how the Dickheads roll. Bad behaviour gets you named and shamed. Nonetheless, she saw the opportunity and she took it.

Deeby's yard was rammed. Successful house party.

Those who make it past 3am are usually faced with an unfortunate realisation.

“This beer yours?” Wanda asks the nearest stranger. He shakes his head. “Beer? This anyone's beer?” Ignored, she shrugs and reaches for the bottle opener.

“If you're gonna get a white wine get a Moscato, It'd be perfect for a time like this.” Adam, the Dickhead's wine connoisseur was educating Chlo. “You said you like fruity wine, right?”

“Yeah. Is it sweet?” Chlo was interested.

“Sometimes. It's more Musky.”

“Whoever's Hennessey’s this is... I'm nicking a bit.. Is that OK?” Wanda didn't get a reply. “Awesome, thanks.”

“Are you supposed to have it with food?”
“Actually, it doesn't pair well with food,” Adam informed “Which is why I like it. Just drink and get fucked.”

“You're very cultured, aren't you?” Adam blushes and accepts the compliment. “So what's that you're drinking now?” Chlo wonders.

“Lambrini.”

Wanda see a little bottle of red on the kitchen counter. She picks it up, raises it in the air and opens her mouth to make an announcement. It's clear no one is going to pay her attention. “Fuck it.” She thinks to herself. “I'm drinking from the bottle.”

“I cant believe I finished my drinks already?” Chlo wondered. “I could have sworn I had more.”

Sufficiently inebriated, she decides to stop complaining.

“Hey guys, what are we talking about?” Wanda butts in.

“There's my wine!” Chlo shouts in shock, loud enough for most people to hear over the music.

The drunk crowd “Oooh” and “Aaaah” like a live audience out of a sitcom in an attempt to add fuel to the fire.

“But... but.. I've been drinking everyone's drink.”

The drunk crowd “Aww” and “Boo” like they were watching a pantomime. Adam shakes his head at her... “Don't admit it, you Dickhead.”

Nominated.

Be sure to keep your eyes peeled.
Part 2 coming soon.

Dickhead out.