MAY DICKHEAD

 

Well hey there, June.

Wanna know what we got up to with May?
Yeah, we been foolin' around you might not wanna hear it.
Ahh go on then.

I.D. Dickhead

 So there's this Dickhead in the Gang who never really says or does much. He often shows face at various Dickhead gatherings and gets involved in many Dickhead activities; He's usually there when Chris Cuts Out.

In January, the Gang had managed to do a night out every single weekend so when the end of April came around and they had realised they hadn't gone out for the whole month one Dickhead knew this wasn't right. One Dickhead knew that we had changed and it wasn't for the better. One Dickhead exclaimed “On the first of May, we're goin' Out! We're goin' OUT out!!”

That Dickhead is aptly named, The Instigator. When Cons and Deeby freestlye it's because The Instigator hit play on the turntable. When Chris and Rich have a little tiff, it's 'cos The Instigator got bored and wants a laugh and when the Dickhead Gang go out, it's cos The Instigator said to go out. He's called The Instigator 'cos that's what he does!

And so the usual routine was underway. The instigator had been hyping for weeks, the gang had piffed a couple zoots, backed a couple shots and sipped a couple beers. They headed out. In the queue now. The instigator ain't got his I.D.

Dickhead.

Dick Grab Dickhead  

 Deeby, Rich, and Cons are all jamming indoors and smoking the fattest zoot. It's a standard day for them. Cons has the ashtray balanced on his lap. Probably not the best place to keep it. Regardless, Deeby makes a grab for it anyway but brushes against the front of Cons' trousers as he does. Cons feels violated, Rich finds it hilarious. Deeby doesn't even say no homo, and claims it was an accident but more likely he's just a dickhead! 
Independent Adjudicator's Note: the basis for this nomination is Richard's testimony. Rich says Deeby touched Cons. Deeby calls bullshit. Who knows, maybe Rich is the real dickhead here!
 

Dropped the Zoot Dickhead

The Instigator knows how to instigate a good nights sleep n'all. Put on a movie, piff a zoot, dream on. Some people back pills, some hit the wank bank, The Instigator piffs a zoot. It's a very particular ritual and one that the rest of the gang had grown accustomed to.

Deeby is fortunate enough to live on the top floor of a block of flats and generous enough to lend his spare bed to any of the gang that might need to use it. He's also lucky in that when The Instigator is in need of his bed, which is quite often, The Instigator also brings with him his materials and is generous enough to share.

So it's no big deal when Deeby sticks Cheech and Chong in the DVD player only to have The Instigator “lift off” (By the window, that is, Deeby's house rules) and fall asleep halfway through.

This night was special though, The spare bed was set up, the lemons were rolled and Pineapple Express was the film of choice that night. Deeby and the Instigator had made themselves comfortable by the window. Three drags and pass was the unwritten rule, only, it was The Instigator's second drag when he had turned away from the window and looked Deeby in the eye with melancholy.

“I dropped the zoot.”

“No you didn't.” Deeby literally in disbelief.

“Yes, I did.”

“No you didn't?” Questioning his beliefs.

“Yes. I did.” The Instigator showed Deeby his hands. They were empty.

“Yes, you did.” In disbelief.

“It's gone.” Wept the Instigator.

Dickhead.

Who d'you think wins this month?

Dickhead out.