APRIL DICKHEAD

 

May Already?!
Aight... April nominations.

What d'ya think?

Dickhead Rappers

Deeby was chilin at Chris' when he's Wii U decided to fuck up and forced them to go outside and reap the benefits of that sunny "Beer in the Park" kinda day.

Living in and around Brick Lane has it's perks. Decent curry to start the night, booze up in a bar and hot girls every day. But like Deeby always says... “Fuck Brick Lane on a weekend.” 

"This beard is different 'cos it's mine."

“Original” Bearded hipsters swarm, bare tourists make it impossible to walk through the place and there's always some Dickhead with a stack of CD's tryna sell a mixtape. Heart warming smile from ear to ear, open and welcoming body language, no facial hair... Manipulative prick.

“Ay! Yo! Brudda...!”

It's awkward, Deeby and Chris have managed to walk past this guy.

“Brudda!” He shouts from 6 yards behind us.
That swarm of bearded guys and tourists make it impossible to walk any further.

The kind rapper pats Chris for his attention. “Shit.” he mutters.

“Brudda! How you gonna walk away from a Brudda like that?” he guilt trips...

“Why does he keep saying Brudda?” Deeby thinks to himself.
“You guys like Rap?”
“Here come's the pitch.” Deeby retorts.
“You a rapper?” Trying hard not to be a dickhead, Chris sounds like a top class Dickhead.

“How could you tell?” he says with a wit and charm.

“Everyone's a rapper. WE'RE bloody rappers...” Cool it, Deeby.
“Alright sweet. Lets drop some bars. Here. Now.”
“Only if you're any good.” Chris haggles.

“Deal.”

He drops some of the dopest bars you'll ever hear from a mixtape pusher on the street.
“Now it's your turn...”
You know that moment when someone does what you do so much better than you do and you immediately lose all confidence and question why you ever started doing what you do?

Well, that sorta happened to Deeby and Chris just then. They started spitting. They forgot they bars. They tried free styling. They flopped. Rap Crime #1. They performed it.

Treats 'em right for being such dickheads... Nominated.

Zero Progress Dickhead

You know what?

I think I'll tell you bout this nomination in the form of a Dickhead Poem.

Show Chris and Deeby up...

On the left there... that's Rich.

So there's this girl. She's kinda hot.

And there's this dickhead, who's kinda not.

And this dickhead had made a bet.

Chris reckons he's already in debt.

10 Grand he would have to miss.

If this girl, the Dickhead could not kiss.

2 Years is plenty of time

That kiss would feel sublime

And after the bet was clearly stated

The dickhead got straight up nominated

A Year flew by. The Dickhead looked slick

When Chris facebook raped him and liked all her profile pics.

This game was hilarious. Nothing like chess.

And funnier to know that he'd made Zero Progress.

Unless he pulls out the candle lit dinner and champagne

It looks like Rich might just get nominated again.

Zero Progress?! Dickhead. Nominated.

Who d'you think wins this month?

Dickhead Out