JUNE DICKHEAD

 Is it July, yeah?
The Dickheads are supposed to be in Amsterdam this month.
Well, until August. Here's what happened in June...

Stick Fight Dickhead

It's that beer in the park kind of day and the Dickheads are chillin' by the lake. Kai picked up a stick. It's about 60cm tall and an inch in diameter, brown and hails from a chopped down tree near Canary Wharf.

Gandalf be like "I got the Magic Stick!"

“Oi C'mon on then. I'll take on any of you mans init.” He exclaimed.

The instigator scans the floor real quick and finds his weapon.

“Alright then. Let's go, you Dunce!” The instigator was ready.

“On three,” Umpire Cons declared. “1... 2...” Swing. Crack. Well, that was quick. The instigator was terminated. His stick, obliterated.

“I'm next.” Competitive Cons leapt to his feet and studied the edge of the lake. There was a variety of sticks and it quickly became obvious The Instigator's didn't spend enough time looking for a decent stick.

Kai's next contender was the branch of a young Beech tree, commonly found in and around London but most prominent in St Paul; They are well known for their skin like smooth bark making them difficult to chip. Smart choice, Competitive Cons. “On three!” ditto'd Deeby, “1... 2...” Swing.

“You're shit!” Deeby wasn't very good at consolation, “Go on then, I'll batter you!”

Deeby was Cardiff stick fight champion of 2013. His stick was a one and half metre branch called MoonWhisper and for all you stat fans, it remained undefeated for a whopping 12 fights before J-man snapped it with his knee and called Deeby gay for naming it.

“On three, then?” The Instigator started the countdown. “1... 2...” Smack.
Both sticks survived the first hit.

“Round two,” the Instigator persevered, “1... 2...” Crack. They both swore they could've heard some damage but both sticks looked perfectly intact. This suddenly got very interesting.

“Again. 1... 2...” SHNAP!! It was now in two. One half in his hands, the other half on the floor.

“Here. Hold the stick of a real champion.”
Deeby grabbed it and threw it in the lake.
Kai called him a sore loser.
We call him a Dickhead.

AirBnB Dickheads

Now you might remember last year; Chris was on a roll being a Dickhead in Amsterdam. He wrote a poem about poetry after getting high (Read here). 

Trying to get The Dickhead Gang to organise a lads do took blood, sweat and tears but they were using WhatsApp. Looking for an apartment, Deeby finds an MTV Cribs-like mansion in Dam Central. 10 Beds, Balconies overlooking the city and a jacuzzi. A fucking Jacuzzi.
“Costs an arm and a leg but who doesn't want a Jacuzzi?” Deeby thought, “I'm bookin' it!” And so he put down the deposit.

“Aww, you done all that?” Kai complained.
“What?!” Deeby retorted.

“Costs an arm and a leg, don't it?!”

Their flight was in four days and the gang were still having hang ups about where to sleep.

The Instigator saved the day. He found the gang a different MTV Cribs-like apartment. Maybe not as many beds but there were extra sofa's and the gang agreed, without him knowing, that they looked like the perfect size for Rich.

To save himself from looking like a complete tosser, The instigator thought it'd be best to show the apartment to the gang, with all it's grandeur panache and grandeur prices, BEFORE putting down a deposit.

“Bruh, that's kinda cheap, you know.” Rich noted.

“Yeah. And those rooms are immense.” Cons added.

“Air BnB are legit too,” Chris said, “I think you should get it.”

“Sweet,” The Instigator thought, “Deeby?”

“But.... But the jacuzzi, Bro.” Deeby sobbed.

“No one wants a jacuzzi, man.”

“Fine,” Deeby deflated. “Lets stay at this place.”

The Instigator took charge, he spoke with a friendly girl named Erika and everyone sent him their money.

Then they never heard from Erika again.

“If it's too good to be true, it probably is.” says The Dickhead Gangs Independent Adjudicator.
Dickheads lost a Jacuzzi.
They're all Nominated.

Cut Out Dickhead

Now you might remember last year; Rich was on a roll being a Dickhead in Amsterdam. He missed London so much he started fantasizing about the Queen (Swear down).

Trying to get The Dickhead Gang to organise a lads do took blood, sweat and tears.

A night before the flight Rich Cut Out.

“Aww, you done all that?”

Dickhead!!

Who d'you think's the biggest Dickhead this month?