Dickhead Anecdote #9: Dam Bitch! (Part 1)

“Just imagine undressing her down to her golden-laced thong... hidden amongst the stretch marks wrapped around her wrinkly and royal waist. Her boobs are soft and saggy but her nipples are interestingly hard. Oh and she's still wearing her crown 'cos then otherwise what's the point.”

Apparently, a 6 hour journey with Chris and Deeby can get so boring, the only interesting conversation left to be had is what it might be like to have sex with the queen.

“You'd have to stick a hoover or a duster up there first,” Rich continues “There's probably more cobwebs up there than in my attic.”

Deeby's close to vomiting, but Rich is getting a kick out of that. Until they had landed in mainland Europe, things weren't plain sailing for Rich.

Dayum Phillip!! Who's your friend?

The night before the flight, Rich's mum had him sat in the living room and was close to performing an exorcism (The previous exorcism had obviously not worked, but that's for another anecdote).
“The power of Christ compels you, Rich. The power of Christ compels you. May the devil leave your soul. May your holiday in Amsterdam be full of pain and anguish... And I pray the Weed tastes like Bitter Gold. Bitter Gold. BITTER GOLD!”

“Shit boy!” Say's Chris “Your mum weren't fucking around. That's a serious prayer.”
“I know, man. You two have no idea how lucky you are not to have parents on your back about it all the time.” For once, Rich was making sense. Chris and Deeby didn't bother arguing. “Anyways, back to the real problem,” He continued “Scope the place out, there must be a way.”

They were now at Southend airport. Rich was looking for “loopholes” in the airports security. “How to smuggle weed back into the UK?” No one had any real intention of doing so, it's just a question pondered by pretty much everyone that visits Amsterdam. No sharp objects, no explosives and No liquids, “Which is just as well,” Rich thought “They wouldn't be any help if you plan on smuggling back any ganja, if you know what I mean... I mean weed... You know, MARIJUANA.”
“Bloody 'ell, Rich. Would you keep your voice down. We're about to get our bags checked.” Deeby protested. He gives him a hand and puts Rich's bag in the tray.
“What's in your bag your, Rich? It's well heavy.”
“Oh yeah, I packed some Whey Protein Powders and other such products.” Rich says candidly.

“Why the fuck would you pack Whey Protein Powders?”
“Mate, don't grill me about this now. I think I'm still a little bit high.”
“Alright alright,” Deeby settles “Lets just get through security. We've got nothing to worry about anymore.”

Protein Powder. No Coke. Me Swear.

Chris and Deeby watch Rich wrangle with security from a distance as they empty the contents of his bag.
“No liquids, Rich. How hard is that?” Chris thought aloud. “That's the biggest bottle of Mouthwash I've ever seen. It would probably double as a flammable.”

“This is actually really funny to watch,” Deeby added “He really doesn't need this right now. He's still really high.”

“He's always high. I bet he was high when he packed.”

“We're not even in Amsterdam yet.” Deeby noted.
Chris laughs... “Dickhead of the year goes to...!”



Dam Bitch!
Part 2 coming soon.