October Dickhead

October went...
And not a single post was written.
We ain't even sorry, Bitches!
October was Dope!

Check Mate Dickhead

Rich’s parents are away, and knowing they would be in advance, Rich decides to throw a house party. “This house party is gonna be sick you know, piff, girls, alcohol” Rich boasts with a grin. The day of the house party finally comes and everyone has been drinking, smoking, chatting – it’s going well so far.

Suddenly, out of the blue, Deeby brings out a chess board which he found in Rich’s house. Then he actually starts PLAYING chess right there and then in the middle of the party.

Chris and Rich are sat at the far end of the room looking at Deeby with dropped jaws. “Bruv I can’t believe this is actually happening. How are they playing chess at my house party! They’re killing the vibe!” as Chris nods in agreement, equally shocked.

 

Chewing Gum Dickhead

J-man is a prick when he is with Sare, no news there. Most of the time Sare is the butt of his jokes, and right now, J-man is probably laughing at the fact that I just called her a “butt”. 

After getting settled with the gang, he produces a pack of chewing gum. No one know's where from, but he does. He opens the pack and pops one into his mouth, as you do. “Want one?” he offers the person to his left, and then to the next, and then to the next. By the time he gets to Sare there are only 2 bits of gum left. “Here you go, Sare.” he says handing her the pack. “Oh gee, thanks.” She's sarcastic. No one knows why.

“Err Jamie,” Chris pries, “Was that Sare's packet of gum you just offered us?” J-man chuckles “Yeah.” “That was unnecessary.”

J-man chuckles “Yeah.”

What a dickhead!

Chyna Porn Dickhead

 

With no official DJ hired for the house party, music was provided via anyone with a phone with access to the internet and that little auxiliary wire that connects your phone to speakers. Naturally requests were coming from all over the room and from various phones. People were using their own phones and people were using other peoples phones. Phones were left vulnerable and not a single frape was made (These dickheads deserve a medal)... but a discovery was. 

As one song was coming to a close on a phone not belonging to Aks, he picks up the phone to find it unlocked and ready for a song change. Whether it had been up on the screen already, or if Aks was in fact attempting to frape said phone or indeed had to actually make the effort to scroll through

it's browsing history to find what he found and would thus make him a dickhead, is irrelevant information. 

“Eurgh!!! Everyone look at this!” Aks exclaims whilst parading the phone about. “Who's phone is this? Who's Chyna? Why are you looking at Porn?” “Oi, that's my phone! What you doing?” demands Rich. With no music blaring, the conversation is had and heard by everyone.

“What's Chyna porn?” Aks asks again.

“Aww, I bet my brother's been through my phone again. Ash, why were you looking at porn on my phone?” He shouts up the stairs, probably inviting unwanted attention. “Rich, who d'you think you're fooling? We all know it was you.”

“Yeah whatever, I was looking at Chyna porn.” He surrenders... instantly.

“Whatever man. Don't look at porn and keep on your phone and then have your phone out at your own house party. That's a dickhead move.” The party warn him, “And watch regular porn, this shit is grim.”

 The picture above. That's Chyna. I know, right? Dickhead!

Boobgrab Dickhead!
 

J-man is a prick when he is with Sar, no news there... 

This one time, right out of the blue, he squeezed her boob whilst simultaneously squeaking...

“Boobgrab!”

...which might have been ok if, when, you're um... Nope. I'm not sure that's ever ok. Dickhead. 

The "I Need Bed" Dickhead

 

If there was a party that the Dickhead Gang could NOT have missed this year, it would have been this one. This wasn't just a friday. This was “Con's 21^st Bday Halloween Special Piff Friday”. A lot of effort had been put into this party and it was all paying off. Halloween decorations adorned the house lit only by UV strobe lighting that lit up glow in the dark stuff. Boys were jamming, Girls were dancing,. It was going down.

Then it hit him. Chris got so waved he had his head in his hands and was contemplating life in the most pitiful of stances. “Nah man,” he says “I need a bed, man” He gets up and shoots off to the nearest bed just as the party was warming up.
To which Cons says “Chris, you just got nominated for Dickhead of the Year.” To which Deeby and Rich think “You know what? Yeah. Chris just got himself nominated...”
By the very Birthday boy host of the very special night... That Chris missed.

Dickhead.

Who d'you think should win this month? Drop a comment below.

Dickhead out.