The Top 10 Dickheads at the 2014 World Cup

Who are we kidding? Football is full of Dickheads.

Okay, Mark Bresciano did some kids shoe laces, Tim Howard showed America why “Soccer” is a beautiful game and we've discovered this era's best footballing nation. Well done, Germany!

However, we've also been given the opportunity to find out which footballers are willing to bring their Dickhead ways to the worlds biggest stage.
Here's our top 10.

10. England Dickheads

The boys at #DOTY didn't expect England to make it to the final by any stretch. Hell, Deeby was always sure that England wouldn't even leave the group stages. But one Point? Bottom of the group? Are you kidding me? Sorry, that was brewing inside me. Rant over. At least some fans can see the bright side of life. 

9. 5-1 Dickeads

Your economy's in the stinker and your king abdicates himself from the throne against violent opposition and igniting major political unrest. You're defending champion, it's supposed to your golden era of football... You lose 5-1 in your opening match. I hate to add insult to injury, Spain... but that makes you a Dickhead.

8. Hair Dickhead

There's a number of bad haircuts in this years World Cup but these three... well...
Bacary Sagna. Still rocking them golden braids are ya? And who told you it was a good idea?
Asamoah Gyan had his number shaved into his head and dyed Golden. Does anything scream Conceited Dickhead any louder?

I'm actually impressed with Kyle Beckerman's dreads. Playing football with dreads is skill.

7. Kiss From the Queen Dickhead

At a time when England NEED Italy to beat Costa Rica, ex Manchester City star and opportunist, Mario Balotelli tweets...

I think it's funny. Still, doesn't stop you from looking like a Dickhead, Mario. You rank 7th.

6. Trip Dickhead

Take a close look at this poor attempt of a free kick.

Or watch this video for more detail.

Was that intentional? I mean, it looks like a free kick designed to completely catch the opposition unawares. Schweinsteiger (#7) runs a full circle in front of the ball, God knows what Khedira's (#6) doing and Muller (the one that tripped), well, trips.
Deeby and Aks argue for hours on end about whether that trip was intentional or not and for the wasted hours it's caused them... Muller's going on the list.

5. Muller Infuriating Pepe Dickhead

Muller again? You oughta rank #1 for earning two nominations but alas, that position is for someone special.

Muller's #5 for pretending that this hurt him.

4. Pepe Head Butting Muller Dickhead

Pepe's #4 for reacting like this...

C'mon, Pepe. You're 2-0 down and are supposed to be one of Portugals best defenders. Don't get a red card. Keep a lid on that anger. You, my dear Dickhead, are the reason your nation lost that game so badly. 4-0? Ouch.

3. Boateng and Muntari Dickheads

Little is known about what actually happened but it's alleged that Kevin Prince Boateng and Sulley Muntari (two of Ghana's most experienced footballers), unprovoked, attacked a member of the GFA (Ghanian Footballing Association). As a result they were dismissed from world cup immediately. Ghana never won another game... Dickheads.

2. Diving Dickhead

Arjen Robben is a world class footballer infamous for falling over and looking like he's been tackled.

After stealing a win against Mexico this year, Robben spoke to Dutch television and said:

“... there was an incident in the first half where I did dive. I must apologise. I should not be doing that.”

Sounds legit. It's just... the Dickhead Gang were a little confused to still see Robben dive in his next game. Well played, dickhead. Well played.

1. Dickhead Teeth

“Three bites and you're out.” was Alan Shearer's reaction, referring to the fact that this is the 3rd time Luis Suares has bitten an opponent in his career. Most people learn to stop biting other people as soon as they become teething toddlers but when you have teeth like Luis Suarez, I suppose you could be forgiven.

Dickhead of the 2014 World Cup, ladies and gentlemen. Luis Suarez!

Any Dickheads we missed out?

Comment and let us know.

Dickhead out.