January Dickhead!

Shit Me! It's the end of January already?!

Aight!
Here's a round up of of all the notable Dickhead moments of January 2014.

WUMZUM: Keyboard Dickhead

We have our first keyboard Dickhead of the Year moment right here: Wumi, the same guy who calls the game we play "tell her" stupid (if you don't know what "tell her" is, check this blog post), comes out with this one. 

Man's looking like he got fraped, posting about "using boobs to get out of a speeding fine", and so like anyone else, I liked the status. Five minutes later, some NEXT Facebook message from WumZum telling me it's all a game, and telling me to frape myself as part of the game, and EVEN giving me example frapes. Are you dumb bruv? Exposed! 

See in large HERE

DEEBY: Bowling Dickhead

Game 1 of 2.
10th Bowl.
Chris leads with 88 points (They're not great).
Deeby is 2nd with 72 points.
Rich isn't far behind with 63 points... Which is mad 'cos he didn't reach double digits in points till his 5th bowl.

Rich takes bowl #1 of his final go. As usual it rolls way off to the side; No barriers either, so it's zero points.
It's suddenly dawns on Deeby that if Rich were to get a half strike, then constanly strike on the extra goes that he'd be allowed, Rich may end the game with more points than him.
Deeby panics. He takes a bowling ball and throws it down the lane, way off to the side; No barriers either, so it's zero points.

Rich was so mad. Deeby found that funny. Deeby's still hasn't apologised... And Deeby still finds it funny. Rich still isn't impressed.

CHRIS: Pizza Dickhead

Chris and Deeby watch Adventure Time whilst yammin' bare Pizza. They finish the pizza and invite Rich over to chill.

Rich makes his way over and Chris has this genius idea whilst finishing the last slice. Let's write

"Shame, Rich. PAR"

...on the inside of the (Empty) box, put a note book in it (to give it weight) and offer "The Last Slice" to him.

Rich was mad, again. The desired results were hilarious.

Who d'you think was Dickhead of January?

Dickhead out.

Who Was Crowned DOTY 2013?

So "Who was crowned Dickhead Of The Year 2013?" I hear you cry. Lemme give you the Nominations.

Rich: “The Jogger”

It's a wonderful summer's day. Rich, Chris and Deeby go to the park, eat and Macky D's and perv on Jogger girls. They don't Cat Call though, they're bigger than that. Well, Chris and Deeby are.

The conversation between the boys come to a stop as three females in jogger garments walk to a stop in front of them. Ready. They turn and crouch into a stance. Steady. One of them looks at Deeby square in the eyes. Go. “You can tell she's trying to lose weight”, Richard says. Not even a little bit subtle.

The woman gawking at Deeby has her jaw dropped as she jogs off.
Richard's smile is like the one below.

Chris: “Tell Her”

There's a game Lads play called “Tell Her”. Rules are simple.

A player says something about someone. He must say “Tell her” before another player does. If he does not. Then whatever statement the player says must be told to said person.

Example #1:

Deeby says “That girl in the red dress is gorgeous. Tell Her.”
Deeby is SAFE.

Example #2:

Deeby says “That girl in the red dress is gorgeous.”

Chris says “TELL HER!”

Deeby MUST go and tell girl in red dress that she is Gorgeous.

Simple right?

The game can make nights out interesting. Usually we open and close the game by agreeing on it but in May we found ourselves playing the game so often, we decided to never stop playing the game, EVER!

In December (8 Months of Non-stop play) ...

Chris says, half drunk “If I ever got with >Insert girls name< I'd facebook status it and tag all my friends.”

Bradley, the legend, exclaims “TELL HER!”

To this day, Chris never has. And we've never played the game since.

Aks: “Man out of 10”

Plenty of men rate women on a scale of one to ten. The rating has nothing to do with woman's interests, skills or personality. It's skin deep. It's looking at her and finding a number to match what she looks like right now. Only Dickheads do it 'cos it's a bad habit.

Once the habit got so bad that Aks once coined the term “Man out of 10” specifically for this one girl that was so harmful to his eyes, she may as well have been a man. A man would not get with this girl unless they really liked her personality and/or are gay.

Aks got with said girl. Aks made of with her. Aks called her “Man out of 10” and then kissed her. He's says he's not gay. She might just have a really nice personality.

Deeby: “New Cross Gate”

It's new years eve. Deeby's leads his friends to a house party in South London. There are two stations. One called New Cross and one called New Cross Gate. The house party is situated at a two minute walk away from one of these stations and a 15 minute walk away from the other.

Deeby took them to them the station in which they were forced to walk 15 minutes to the house. No, they weren't late for anything. Yes, they had a good time at the house party and NO, nobody missed the countdown.

Yes. Deeby was crowned Dickhead of the Year for this very act. Bit harsh, don't you think?

Dickhead out.

Meet The Dickhead Gang

Honourable Members of The Dickhead Gang include...

Aks

Gyrate's girls from behind. Never gets name or number.

Brad

(aka A Brad Habit aka Breaking Brad aka Bradderz Porn aka >Michael Jackson voice< I'm Braad, I'm Braad, I'm really really Brad)

 

Falls down stairs in Night Club. Almost gets all friends kicked out for being too drunk. 

Chris

Has bad time at nightclub. Sets off fire alarm.

 

 Deeby

See's girl at house party that he got with at previous house party. Makes everybody leave.
He also wear's wooly hats and sunglasses.

Rich 

(aka Dick)

 

Female joggers pass. Shouts "You can tell she's trying to lose weight."

WumZum

Doesn't believe in drinking. Goes to party. Steals Beer.

 

Other Dickheads include anyone else in our circle of friends prone to Dickhead behaviour.

Dickhead out.

What is Dickhead Of The Year?

The "Dickhead Of The Year" is an award given annually to the player who has performed an act considered to be the most unbecoming, dishonourable, despicable or reprehensible. It is considered a shame to win the award.

Over the course of a year, these acts are performed with no intention of taking part in the competition by members of the "Dickhead Gang".
The acts performed, the date the act took place and the "Dickhead" that performed the act are recorded. As the end of the year draws closer, the record is reffered to and a shortlist is created; this shortlist become the official "Dickhead of the Year Nominations".

The winner is selected through a lengthy process called “The Dickhead Debate”. During The Dickhead Debate each nominee must debate why they should NOT win. They must also argue why another nominee should win and persuade the other nominee's to agree with their view. When a majority decision has come to an agreement the Dickhead Of The Year is selected. The Dickhead Debate usually takes place whilst members are heavily inebriated.

Dickhead out.